Is anyone else on this website? Mr Toronto got me involved with it and, since I joined, I've found a couple of old school friends on there which is pretty cool.

Last night I got an e-mail to say that someone else wanted to be added to my friends list. Her name wasn't familiar but when I looked at her photo I realised it was a friend I met when we were teenagers and she'd simply got married since. I haven't seen her since our wedding so it was great to be back in touch with her again.

However, when I was browsing through her friends list to see if there was anyone else on there that I used to know, I saw a photo that stopped me dead

It was NJ, a boyfriend I had when I was 17 going on 18.

I know him and my other friend have been good friends over the years, he even brought her to our wedding... actually that was pretty cheeky as he hadn't been invited... but it was still a shock to see him again.

Pardon my language here but he was a total mind-fuck agent when we were together. Don't get me wrong, he was never physically abusive but he emotionally abused me for the year or so we were together. He systematically pulled me apart and made me doubt my worth while totally using me physically... and then he dumped me because I was going away to University and he couldn't be bothered maintaining a long-distance relationship (he was a year younger than me and so still had a year of his A-levels to do at that point).

The thing was, the abuse didn't stop there. He started sending me letters which just stirred everything up again. Although, I have to admit that he might have inadvertantly helped things happen between me and Mike.

I remember one weekend I'd picked up my post on the way to the Uni canteen to have lunch with a bunch of mates, Mike included. When we all sat down to eat, I opened the letter from NJ, I only read a few lines before I had to put it down, my eyes filling with tears about what he'd written. Mike saw how upset I was and we got to talking... probably one of the first proper conversations we'd had.

I know I've moved on a lot since I was with NJ, I'm far more comfortable in myself than I was then, but seeing his photo brought it all back.

If he contacts me I'm going to find it very hard to respond in a mature way. The 17-year-old in me still wants to kick him hard in a painful place.

The last time I saw him was about 2 years ago at a mutual friend's wedding where he was one of the ushers. We walked into the Church and he was in the entrance with another friend. After making a big fuss about getting Jamie's pushchair up the step - Look at me, NJ, I have kids now - I brushed past him with a quick "Hi" and then demanded a hug from the other friend telling him how gorgeous he looked in his suit. He did, he always was a stunning looking guy... probably why he looked 10 times better in the suit than NJ did who was in an identical one :>>

*sigh*

I really did choose some pieces of crap as boyfriends, didn't I? I reckon that's why I've got such a great guy as a husband, it's karma for all of the rubbish I've put up with in the past.

Anyway, this is a public warning

STAY AWAY FROM THIS EXCUSE-FOR-A-MAN

slug-face